Equanimity: Just Breathe

 

Victor Frankl published his widely read Man's Search for Meaning in 1946, a year after he was released from Auschwitz concentration camp. Frankl, an Austrian neurologist/psychiatrist who was imprisoned in four concentration camps during WW II., noticed that, even though the prisoners were captive, they still had the freedom to choose how they would respond to their captors. They could even love them if they chose to. He tried to teach this logotherapy to his fellow prisoners, and those who accepted his advice often became more resilient.

Frankl's theory of freedom of response is more alive today than ever. The ability to keep one's cool during times of stress or conflict, the patience and presence of mind that results in mental and emotional stability is alive and well in the word equanimity. The origin of the word is aequus, meaning equal + animus, meaning mind. From the Latin came French c. 1600 equanimite, evenness of mind, calmness, good will, and kindness. By 1610, the English word equanimity retained the French definitions.

While all of us would prefer responding to every stressful situation with coolness and self-confidence, we too often react to people who know how to push our buttons. You know who they are. The ones with the snarky comments, the ones who get under our skin and give us a rash. And then there are the painful, impossible situations that come when you least expect them. But living our daily lives with equanimity doesn't happen just because we wish it would. It's a process. It doesn't happen quickly, and yet when you don't respond quickly to the jabs life sometimes gives you, you think you're defeated, maybe even less than, and you know where that leads--a serious lack of self-confidence and an often angry, unhappy attitude. If you look at the larger picture, society's treatment of women and youth as well as social media demons can destroy equanimity before it even has a chance.

It can be lonely business trying to figure out who you are and what you're worth. I'm not a psychologist, but as an English teacher I know a bit about literature, and the characters we love often display the equanimity that endears us to them. We wish we could be like them. I'm thinking Atticus Finch may be my forever hero. And let's not forget the ultimate heroic example of equanimity, Jesus of Nazareth. 

A popular and well known set of ways to build equanimity in yourself over time comes from Buddha's three teachings on suffering:

1. Stop fighting your difficulty and find ways of dealing with it that help to create that evenness of temper. Don't expect the problem to be solved right away. You usually don't have that kind of control over a situation, so start where you are and be like Frankl: Use your freedom to respond or not respond.

2. Recognize that things change. What is today may not be tomorrow. The difficulties and challenges of life aren't permanent. Be patient.

3. Accept the value of taking baby steps to reach your goal. Baby steps lead to bigger steps and changes. Letting go of what you can't control begins for most of us in a small way until we can build up to letting go more and more.

Most of us lead lives of quiet desperation (thank you, Thoreau), working too hard, worrying too much and reacting too quickly before we've had a chance to think things through and come to the realization that silence might have been the best response. Just breathe. And meditate, visualize and squelch the "fight or flight" syndrome. Take a walk in the woods and tell it to the trees. Write and read daily a gratitude list in your journal. These are just a few of the many ways to get started on your journey to cool presence of mind.

Equanimity can be our saving grace for 2022. No one can deny that we've run the gamut of pain, disappointment, and loss--loss in so many areas of our lives in the last three years, and hope is at an all time low. On Christmas Day in 1957, Martin Luther King, Jr. delivered a sermon at the Dexter Avenue Baptist Church in Montgomery, Alabama. The line that people will never forget can be a tool in our process toward equanimity:

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that." 

And from the Book of Common Prayer:

"Almighty God, give us grace that we may cast away the works of darkness and put on the armor of light..."

I wish you light, friends.

Fear in 2022: Metacognition to the Rescue

 Happy 2022, friends!  One of the little demons out there hovering over our goals and plans for the new year is that ugly monster called fear--fear of the unknown, fear of failure and our own abilities, and fear of criticism, to name a few. There is no instant cure for fear, however; it's a process, but the first new Lambent Literacy word of the new year, metacognition, might just be the beginning of that journey to dealing with those fears. 

The word metacognition, first introduced and recorded by developmental psychologist John Flavell in the 1970s, is derived from the Greek word meta meaning "beyond" and the Latin word cognoscere meaning "getting to know." It refers to an understanding of one's thoughts and thought processes, and it requires an awareness of all the questions one might have about thinking: who, what, when, where, why, and how. Metacognition gives us the ability to control our thinking processes through various strategies. For example, we can reflect on the cognitive skills we need to succeed in a given task. I love to cook. When I am putting the holiday turkey on, I go through all the steps in my mind to not only lay out the equipment and tools I'll need but also to go through the steps I must take before the bird goes in the oven. I've done it so many times, but because it happens only three times a year, I carefully remind myself each time about the bird's cavities, that is, what comes out and what goes in, how it's seasoned, what temperature and how long it will need to roast. Do I fear that I may get it wrong and ruin our holiday dinner? Of course, but I know what to do to prevent that from happening.

Metacognition covers every aspect of our lives. It's all about planning out our work, tracking our progress, and assessing our own knowledge. So, how can metacognition help us in dealing with the dark, menacing cloud over our heads better known as fear?

What are you afraid of? Most of us might answer  the unknown. Which is what exactly? Unless you're a mind reader or you have the gift of sight, that would be anything in our future. We can plan for what comes tomorrow but we don't have any guarantees, so worrying about the unknown actually hands over the regulation of our minds to the fear monster.

Or how about more specifically fear of what other people might think of you? Fear of financial burdens? Fear of change? And then there's fear that you aren't good enough, qualified enough, smart enough, athletic enough, fit enough, popular enough, and the list goes on and on.

Fear is most often based on thought distortions, and that's where metacognition comes to the rescue. When we don't have all the answers right away, we have a tendency to create them based on the worst possible outcome. Reframing thoughts allows you to break through distortions in your thinking and see yourself or your situation in a more positive light. 

For example, my garden in winter is cold and bleak, which makes me sad. I love working in the garden and seeing the fruits of my labor, and yet, in fact, I know a winter garden is a natural phenomenon and there isn't much I can do about it....except look at it from a different perspective:

1. Deciduous trees lose their leaves, but they'll return in spring.

2. Many flowering plants reseed and will also return. When planting season occurs in March, nothing is quite as exciting as watching new plants grow.

3. Roses in spring are magnificent and worth the wait.

4. Birds and other wildlife have a more difficult time foraging for food in winter, but I have twelve bird/squirrel feeders and can help the wildlife by keeping the feeders well stocked.

5. I can continue to compost and enrich the soil for more successful spring planting.

6. On warmer days I can take my coffee or tea out to the arbor, sit quietly with my journal, and watch the birds and squirrels.

Speaking of journaling, writing your history--your feelings and thoughts each day, not only gives you a sense of the relevance of your life but also encourages you to think. It can even include writing a gratitude or even a gripe list. Describing where you are at that moment in your life makes you conscious of your thinking, the first step to looking at your fears realistically. Journaling can be done in several ways: on the computer or voice recorder on your phone, through art or photography, not just by hand in a book. One of my favorite writing aphorisms is "How do I know what I think until I see what I say?"

Cognition is the thinking skills that we develop over time to store and retrieve information in our minds, but metacognition is the ability we can develop to control our cognition, that is, to reflect on the skills we need to succeed not only in the task at hand but also in developing positive perceptions of ourselves. But it's a choice we have to make. Do we plan out what we want and need to do to succeed? Do we then track our progress? And finally do we take time to assess the knowledge we have gained? Yes, part of the problem is a lack of confidence in ourselves, but maybe it's time to stop making excuses, start with the self-discipline that comes from self-love, and reframe those negative thoughts. Do you remember love your neighbor as yourself, and put your oxygen mask on first? Take good care of yourselves, friends, and have a blessed new year.