Hiraeth and the American Nostalgia for the Past

 

I have yet to find anyone who doesn't wish to return to life "the way we were," pre-pandemic. Losses big and small fill our mental lists, the life we've missed, the one to which we long to return. Well, friends, there's actually a word for this feeling. Grief over irretrievable loss is covered quite dramatically by the word hiraeth, pronounced (he rath,  with a roll of the r), and it has an interesting history.

Hiraeth is a Welsh word that cannot be translated easily into English. It is a longing for the past with a blend of nostalgia and homesickness, a deep feeling that something may possibly not be able to be reclaimed. Added to this yearning is the concept of place, time and people that may never be recovered. The British have been accused of having tried to replace the Welsh culture. When a country takes control of another one, the invader attempts to dismantle the culture of the attacked and establish their own language and customs. This is what happened when the English King Edward I conquered Wales in the 13th Century, yet the Welsh never forgot the stories linked to their land, their language and folk tales that have kept the ancient culture close. Wales became part of the Kingdom of Great Britain in 1707 and the UK in 1801. Over time, the Welsh, however, retained their language and culture despite heavy English dominance. When the Welsh immigrated to America in the 17th Century and Australia in the 18th Century, 40% of them returned to Wales, homesick for the land of their birth. 

                                                                    King Edward I

We in the United States, much like citizens of every other country in this pandemic, want life to return to the normal we think we once knew, yet the hiraeth we might feel is miniscule compared to the Welsh who were asked to give up their language and way of life.  Returning to these elements of our culture that we have lost, however, may not actually result in the kind of progress we need. Change is not new to us. Every aspect of life in the U.S. has been challenged by several wars and by social developments, which many of us remember from the 1960s, and the speed at which they are occurring has increased. While growth is certainly beneficial and necessary for an egalitarian society, it does not come without a price. The fact is, people do not like change, especially if they exist as a privileged segment of society. Maybe we shouldn't want to "go home again" in light of the injustice  that disadvantaged populations have suffered.

Our nostalgic view of how good things used to be is a privilege for very few people. What we can do to preserve the past we loved is to embrace the good and discard what simply no longer works, is no longer acceptable in a free and just society. Should we not engage in hiraeth? Although I personally have wonderful memories, many experiences that have taught me valuable lessons, and few regrets, I don't want to retrieve everything that is gone. I learned long ago, probably raising children, that the future holds so much promise and so many possibilities for an even better life. And let's not forget, we have a choice.

We love to romanticize the past, don't we, and there's plenty of evidence of that in our movies and books, greeting cards, Face Book memes, and advertising/marketing schemes, particularly around the holidays. When we don't know how to move forward, we long for the past when things seemed better. Unfortunately, this behavior of romanticizing the past has kept women and people of color in their historical place without moving us forward.

Psychologists tell us that the way to rectify how we view loss is to reframe our negative thoughts into more helpful, believable, positive ones. In other words, change our perspective and be willing to do the work this requires. No one is saying grieving isn't a process, but when does it end and how gracefully can we get through it? What we don't want to do is relive the misery that accompanied the loss, which is in itself a kind of revolution that we aren't quite ready to accept. Use a little psychology on yourself and picture the loss in a different way. Change, after all, is just another opportunity for a second chance, and who doesn't love second chances? 

 

Namaste, I Bow to You

 I don't know when I began clasping palms together over my heart and bowing, but it suddenly occurred to me that I had intentionally been doing this for years, and as soon as I heard my new blog post word, namaste (nah-mus-tay), I knew why. You might now be wondering why a woman with English/Irish-French-German heritage who doesn't do yoga would find the act of bowing that defines namaste an important part of her habits as well as her psyche. Let me explain.

First, the use and meaning of namaste evolved from Sanskrit, "I bow to you," and it is usually said with palms together at the heart while bowing. In Middle Eastern and Eastern countries it is often a simple greeting of hello. Your yoga teacher might conclude each session by saying namaste, for it represents the act of gratitude and respect, acknowledging souls in each other. In America most people use their words without the concomitant bow--hello, how are you? Namaste goes quite a bit farther.

Second, let me assure the reader that you can still express your greeting, appreciation, deep connection to someone without palms-over-heart bowing. For me, however, and perhaps for you, too, living a symbolic life involves a deeper participation, one that this most sincere act not only represents but also enables--a stronger, more resilient connection to the recipient, be it human, beast, or plant. It is with deep gratitude that I say namaste to the person who has greatly improved my life, to the wild and domestic animals in my life that have brought me joy, and to every green tree and plant in my garden that has touched my soul with peace and with comfort. How quickly and effortlessly am I able to say to each, "I bow to you."

Another Sanskrit word, heart chakra, is believed to act as an individual's center of compassion, empathy, love, and forgiveness, and yet the heart is, in every world culture, the center of being, of compassion, of love, of truth, and generosity. Wisdom tradition tells us clearly that we are all one when we live from the heart.

Sanskrit, the origin of namaste and chakra, is 4,000 years old (some say 6,000). So, let's just say we've known about the concepts of the heart--gratitude, respect, compassion, forgiveness, love, and so on, long enough to know them well. The question, then, that completely baffles me is why we often do everything in our power to resist these feelings, knowing we are all one when we live from the heart.

C.S. Lewis wrote a book based on a radio series in 1960 called The Four Loves. He explains these four loves--affection, friendship, romantic, and charity, but concludes that charity (also known as agape) is our chief aim and all other forms of love are in training to become charity. Agape love is the highest form of love--unconditional love, the love of God for humankind. Christians are taught agape love in 1st Corinthians 13 (The New King James Version):

Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become as sounding brass or a clanging cymbal.

And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 

Paul goes on to describe what love is and what it isn't, and he ends his letter to the Corinthians in this way:

When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known.

And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

When we bow to each other and say namaste, we acknowledge the divine spark, the divine connection in each other that can become agape love because it invites us to connect to truth. C.S. Lewis wrote that love is worth the sorrow and the pain we must endure.

Are these just words, read or heard and quickly forgotten? Words we hear that are often read at weddings? Or are they words we must live by, regardless of religion because they apply to all of humanity?

Turn on the news at almost any time of day or night, and you will know these words are too often lost on us. But I am the eternal optimist, for, as seeds sown in early spring, something bigger than ourselves will grow if we nurture it. Let it be love for all of humanity, especially those of us who are broken and in greatest need of love. Perhaps even nations, divided and struggling in sorrow and pain.

Namaste, my friends.

Slainte! May Good and Faithful Friends Be Yours, Wherever You May Roam.

 

English is such a convenient language. English speakers either borrow more precise words from other languages or, as Shakespeare did, invent new ones, which is really the only solution in an age of technological and scientific advancement. One word, however, that I have found quite useful is the ancient Gaelic word for health, used in the way one might hold up a pint and say cheers! That lovely word is slainte, (pronounced slawn cha). To the Irish and the Scots, this word means so much more than cheers. They drink to life, health, good luck, and absent friends, and they've been carrying on this tradition for centuries. Their ancestors would have said it, sitting in an inn or a pub evenings, going through the same motions--raising their glasses and declaring slainte!

I am privileged to bear the Irish name O'Connor, but in truth my matriarchal ancestor Mary Morgan was from Dublin, and the last of the family Irish from the old country, my Uncle Paddy, was a fisherman on the Gulf Coast of Mississippi. So I feel a keen sense of entitlement in writing about such an important Irish tradition and the word that defines it.

When my younger daughter Rachel was in high school, she was infatuated with all things Irish--Irish dancing, Irish traditions and food, the Irish language, Ireland's long and painful history, Irish literature and film, and the beautiful green countryside itself. She became an award-winning Irish dancer traveling to as many competitions as time would permit. Naturally her pen pals lived in Ireland. For Rachel's high school graduation, my daughter Kate joined Rachel and me to fly to Ireland for ten days, traveling a circuitous route from Dublin to Cork, Killarney, Galway, Connemara, Clifden, and the Aran Islands--Inishmore and the ancient fort Dun Aonghusa, and back to Dublin for the trip home. Rachel's pen pal Eoghan traveled with us as the perfect guide to his country. And it was here that I first heard the word slainte.

That was twenty years ago this summer. But two years ago my sister Sarah and I returned to Ireland with slainte on the tips of our tongues. Most of our time was spent in a farmhouse B&B in Castlemain, gateway to the Dingle Peninsula, but we made a trip back into Killarney for some Irish music and Guinness and a salute to good heath with slainte! It worked, too, because Sarah and I both agreed it was definitely a life changing trip.

Slainte is still an important part of my working vocabulary. Besides gardening, I love to cook, and every evening as the sun goes down on another day and I am preparing dinner for Patrick and me, I pour just a couple of ounces of Pino, walk to the garden and say slainte!  Health to a garden that has suffered a devastating freeze, and yet I say this greeting to my life, my family and friends and all the critters that grace our garden every day. And to  you I say slainte, dear friends! And Dia dhuit, (dia gwitch) God be with you all the days of your life.

Happy Earth Day! How's Your Carbon Footprint?

 

Long before I was reading and talking about carbon footprints,  my English husband was erecting a clothes line (wash line in his vernacular) in our back yard, insisting on walking every day, composting our scraps, and filling our yard with trees and plants, which became over many years our beloved garden. He never mentioned the environment per se; it was just his English way of life. I loved the idea of planting, and I enjoyed our walks, but a clothes line? How old-fashioned! What would our neighbors think? Well, friends, on this lovely Earth Day, I want to thank my Patrick for introducing me to what we now know as reducing our carbon footprint.

According to The Nature Conservancy, carbon footprint is the total amount of greenhouse gases that are generated by our daily actions. A greenhouse gas is a gas that lets sunlight pass through the atmosphere causing the greenhouse effect. The primary greenhouse gases in Earth's atmosphere are water vapor, carbon dioxide, methane, nitrous oxide, and ozone. So, just like a greenhouse in your back garden, the gases warm the planet and allow us to live, but too much heat can cause great harm. The average carbon footprint for a person in the U.S., according to scientists at The Nature Conservancy, is 16 tons, one of the highest rates in the world. Globally, the average is closer to four tons. To avoid a dangerous rise in temperature of greenhouse gases, the average footprint per year needs to drop under two tons by 2050.

The question on your mind now might be how can we reduce our carbon footprint without radically changing our lifestyles. If you live in an area with sufficient mass transit systems, you have an advantage. I live in the Greater Houston area in Texas, known for its obsession with large vehicles constantly on the freeways. And more efficient vehicles and alternative fuel vehicles may be out of the question if you are already paying for the vehicle you own, and even if you're ready to purchase a new car, is this carbon footprint efficient car in your price range? You can see the problem here.

So what can the average ecologically minded person do to reduce his or her carbon footprint? Below is a list that you might find yourself able to do fairly easily with little expense.

1.Carpool to work if possible.

2. Reduce air travel.

3.Turn off lights not being used.

4. Reduce thermostats in winter; increase in summer.

5. Use rechargeable batteries.

6. Line dry clothing.

7. Plant trees. Plant anything!

8. Grow some of your own vegetables and fruits.

9. Buy produce locally grown.

10. Recycle paper, plastic, glass, metal.

11. Print double-sided.

12. Eat a low carbon diet--no beef. 

13. If you must have red meat, try cutting down on consumption.

14. Go organic.

15. Stop buying water in plastic.

16. Incorporate walking or biking for fun or for short destinations.

17. Unplug devices when not in use.

18. Keep tires on your car properly inflated and get regular maintenance. Don't speed!

19. Use cold water cycle for washing clothes and do full loads to decrease water and energy.

20. Keep stuff out of landfills. Visit your local thrift shop to donate or buy. Have a yard sale, recycle, repurpose. Remember, your junk may be someone else's treasure.

Many of my readers have heard me say this before: feeding the birds in your garden will help plant new trees, maybe not precisely in your garden, but somewhere. You don't have to go out and plant the trees themselves, although that's not a bad idea. Trees absorb carbon dioxide from the atmosphere and conserve biodiversity. That diversity is the variety of life at all its levels that sustains life on Earth, not only in a utilitarian way but an intrinsic one.

And the intrinsic advantage may be just as important as the utilitarian one. It is a philosophical mind-body concept that demands we have a right to exist on a beautiful, clean planet without harm to our wellbeing. Biodiversity also affects the relationships we form with each other and with nature. Our connection to nature reveals important information found in multiple studies over many years: people are happier and healthier when they live in a green environment.

Enjoy life in a greener, healthier way. Go for a walk today and smell the roses.  And have a happy Earth Day all!

 

Kismet: Taking Fate in Your Own Hands

 

Language affects our destiny more than we know. Because we use every aspect of language in our daily lives, I present to you a word of  Arabic origin (quisma: portion or lot) that has evolved into the English word kismet, meaning fate or destiny. We like to throw the word around as we joke about kismet in a light-hearted way, but, as always, there is a grain of truth behind the humor.

Some people ask, "What chance do I stand against kismet?" More likely this quip is said in jest, but I'd like to challenge that question and its implied meaning. Don't the decisions we make set the stage for the actions that create our destiny? When you encounter something that seems like it was meant to be, you might feel like it's your kismet in action, but if you'll think about it, you certainly had a hand in it through the choices you made in the first place. Let me give you a simple and harmless but profound example.

Fifteen years ago, my expert gardener husband Patrick and I decided to purchase large bags of bird seed for ten feeders we installed around the garden. A nature lover, he also wanted to support my love of birds. At that time no trees grew in the field behind our house, but all species of south Texas birds, including black bellied whistling ducks and budgies (short for budgerigar--escaped parakeets), swarmed our back garden daily for this new feast. When a family of voles crawled under the fence to get the seed that dropped from the feeders, owls and hawks showed up, too, but that's another story. It wasn't long before birds sitting on our back fence planted "seeds" for nine sugarberry elms, two cedar elms, and two white mulberry trees. The beauty that these trees have added to our garden is nothing short of a great blessing, and yet we fed those birds who sat on the fence and brought the trees to bear. (If you build it, they will come.) Kismet? Perhaps, but it's my kind of destiny, the one I have a hand in guiding.

Today we have a lovely garden with forty rose bushes. Patrick, who grew up in England, had a grandfather who owned a nursery and taught him the art of gardening. When we married, he transformed my American back yard into an English garden, and better still, he taught me everything I know about plants. When I began writing my novel The Good Gardener, I was able to create a believable setting for the main character who turns his life around when he becomes a gardener. Kismet? You bet!

On a larger and more consequential scale, let's bring in Winston Churchill for a more serious example of kismet.

As Prime Minister from 1940-19445, Churchill rallied the British people and led the country from the brink of defeat to victory, but after Japan attacked Pearl Harbor December 7, 1941, he not only persuaded Franklin Roosevelt to get involved in the war; he planned with him every step of the way until Nazi Germany was defeated. They spent years planning D-Day together. The Allied invasion of Normandy on June 6, 1944 is considered one of the most important and far-reaching developments of WW II, instrumental in defeating the Axis powers.

Did this important event happen by chance? 

These two leaders contended with both internal and external pressures: a Congress that would not approve engagement, bad weather, a lack of supplies and ships, war with Japan, plans in North Africa and Sicily that didn't produce anticipated results. Despite misfortune, criticism, and naysayers, Roosevelt and Churchill met often and continued to work together, shifting support when necessary and changing plans that might not work for new ones. Both men knew that D-Day couldn't happen until everything seemed to be in alignment. Chance? I urge you to consider my challenge again: Our decisions set the stage for the kismet we want.

 On June 6, 1944, American, British, and Canadian forces landed on five beaches along the Normandy coast and by the following spring Allied forces had defeated Nazi Germany.

As literature is a reflection of life, I turn to Paulo Coelho's famous fiction story about destiny, The Alchemist. Coelho, also a follower of Jung's theory of synchronicity, wrote, "When a person really desires something, all the universe conspires to help that person to realize his dream." He goes on to say through the character of The Alchemist, "...when we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better, too. Love is the force that transforms and improves the Soul of the World." The story is the tale of a journey of a young man named Santiago who travels from Andalusia, Spain to the great pyramids of Giza and back before he returns to true love, Fatima. Santiago believes his treasure is gold, but through the wisdom he gains from The Alchemist, he learns about his destiny and what he must do to achieve it. Every decision he makes creates his kismet.

At the beginning of this post, I suggested that language affects our destiny, so I'll close with this idea. The words of kindness that we speak, the words we use about ourselves and others shape the person we will be despite our past experiences and how we have been treated or even how we have struggled. Affirmations change who we are and who we want to be. Kismet? Yes, my kind of destiny, the one I have a hand in guiding.

Flummoxed by 2020 and Beyond? Advice from Dickens, Jung, and McCauley

Thanks to the great writers of the world, especially the English, the first authors of our language, we have at our fingertips words that express not only our every meaning but the depth of our feelings as well. It is appropriate and very much in order to celebrate one English writer in particular, Charles Dickens, whose recent birthday was February 7^th. Dickens engaged in neologism, the coining of a new word, usage or expression, and his word of the day is flummox.  Although the word flummox was first used by James Halliwell-Phillipps in his Dictionary of Archaic and Provincial Words in 1846, the word is generally credited to Dickens who revived the word in his novel The Pickwick Papers, his first novel that made serialized stories popular.

So why is the word flummox so appropriate today? You can guess the answer to that from the definition itself: to bewilder, confound, confuse, perplex. What better word could describe the general state of Americans after a year like 2020? And perhaps still does in 2021.

Fear of covid, grief from the loss of loved ones, anxiety over job and income loss, fear of isolation—I can understand this kind of anxiety and confusion. But, friends, here’s where I am totally flummoxed. Too often I see caustic social media posts from people I know—friends I grew up with, new friends, colleagues, family that stop me cold. These posts are always about politics, a topic that wasn’t so relevant until Trump became president and then left office in the historically chaotic way we’re all now familiar with. But to the point, I thought I knew these people, their kind and generous hearts, their love of life and respect for humanity—the kind of respect for decency, justice, peace and the moral and ethical principles that I believe gave our country the image of that shining city on a hill. Yet I’ve seen vitriolic language arrogantly aimed not only at politicians that represent the opposing party but any ordinary citizen like me. Now this is not to say that both parties haven’t engaged in this kind of behavior, but it’s wrong no matter who does it. Not even free speech can excuse it. It’s wrong. Wrong! Period. So why is it happening when we know better?

Trump clearly brought out the dark side in us with his behavior and his language. Some have excused it, saying we needed someone bold and brash in the White House. We needed the dark side? I’m not so sure about that. When I think of Thomas McCauley, British historian who wrote The History of England from the Accession of James II, these words always come to mind:

“In every age the vilest specimens of humanity are to be found among demagogues.”

McCauley was an amazing observer of human nature, and I do believe he hit the mark with this statement.

For more than fifteen years I was enrolled in courses at the C. G. Jung Center in Houston, Texas, and many of those included references to Jung’s ideas about the Shadow. The shadow theory states that this darker side of our unconscious selves is everything we have been taught to avoid because someone thinks it is bad or evil. We keep our shadow out of sight in order to be good and win the approval of people who are important to us. James Hollis, renowned Jungian scholar and former director of the Houston Jung Center, wrote that the contents of the shadow are “an affront to what we consciously wish to think of ourselves.” We fear others discovering our weaknesses and mistakes that would humiliate us, but what if the most powerful leader on earth with the most influential and respected position in the world gave us not only permission but also encouragement to release this egregious behavior in our shadows and enact the content hiding there in the dark recesses of our minds?

It’s a thought, one that flummoxes me for sure, but maybe it’s not one I want to dwell on. Perhaps Trump’s policies that isolated us from the world and the tax breaks for the wealthiest were enough to draw people into his arena. Or maybe his supporters don’t keep up with the news, and the nature of truth has taken a back seat to the more pressing issues of their lives. Perhaps it’s time for schools to teach the principles of our two party system and make journalism a viable part of the English curriculum so that the youth of our country can grow up with a head start on how to recognize the truth. I wish at times I were back in the classroom. I’d teach it in a heartbeat.

 

Non Compos Mentis: A New Wrinkle in a New Reality

 Latin may be considered a "dead" language, not spoken by any particular group of people, but its presence in so many areas of our speech is proof of the power it wields in precise communication. Non compos mentis, not of sound mind, has made its way to the forefront of our political life as we contend with the chaos pervading American culture today. A legal phrase, it was first used in 13th century English law to describe people affected by madness, the loss of memory or the ability to reason. Although one might figuratively say that the definition hasn't changed much over the centuries, we most often use the phrase to express the condition of not having mastery over one's mind. Our views of mental illness, however, have changed over the years from the heinous punishments of burning and dunking of women accused of being witches to tragic institutionalism and incarceration. Through the decades as we continue to distinguish human behavior from mental disabilities, we improve our perspective on compos mentis, a sound mind.

Having said that, the media universe constantly updates the public regarding the current President of the United States and questioning the soundness of his mind, and, as a result of his inciting an insurrection on the U.S. Capitol that threatened the lives of Congress men and women and resulted in five deaths, he has been banned from social media and has been impeached for a second time by the House of Representatives with the lowest rating, 29%, of any American President in history. Although this crisis may have been the spark for this post, it isn't the conflagration that burns through the pages of this blog. The question I am posing here is why so many of us readily sacrifice the most important asset we have as individuals, the mastery and control of our own minds. What have we to gain that so outweighs this critical mastery of a sound mind? Perhaps we should all take a look in the mirror. I offer these considerations:

1. Having traveled a bit and met and made friends in other parts of the world, I believe I can say without hesitation that Americans are often viewed as workaholics who love money. I won't make a decision about the veracity of that criticism, but what is obvious is that we try to make too many decisions while in a steady state of distraction and multi-tasking, which leads to emotional fatigue.

2. Frustration, anger, love, desire for more and more and more all hinder our ability to make good decisions. Emotions can easily lead to greed and power, and in America, where anything seems possible, people are willing to go there despite the cost.

3. To much information paralyzes us, but too little information leaves us ill prepared to make rational decisions. We tend to lean toward laziness in checking facts, the consequence of which is one-sided tribalism and the hazard of locking ourselves in the past.

4. We often fail to see the big picture and every problem connected to it. Nothing exists in a vacuum. We live in a cause and effect world, and yet we cherry pick and refuse to address the connections that could begin the healing. And as a vicious cycle, we find ourselves in over-dependence on others to do and say the right thing. Tribalism raises its ugly head again.

5. Isolation from truth and failure to communicate the facts result in the insurmountable hijacking of sound minds through misinformation. It goes without saying (or does it?) that knowing the facts contributes to more rational decision making.

6. Because we often suffer from a naïve dependence on others to provide necessary information for our well being, we do not expect the unexpected. Why should we, you say. Others--elected officials or others in authority, will do their part and take care of business, but do we really believe in the infallibility of people, giving them undeserved or unearned trust? Or are we locked in to the past, a simpler time when weapons and technology and unimaginable wealth and power rarely played a significant role in harming us? Do we truly believe a false sense of happiness or security can overcome misery? Can we live forever in a bubble where we don't have to look at the immensity of the socio-economic issues that have become unbearable for a large percentage of the population?

Has the American view of non compos mentis, not of sound mind, taken on a new wrinkle, a new dimension in the principles of good decision making? Is it the new status quo? The pandemic that brought on the unbearable weariness of illness and loss of life, of jobs and income, of traditional education and social interactions has certainly affected our ability to make good decisions, but have we gone down that dark rabbit hole so far that we can't return? I don't think so, but it's going to take the historic strength that those who came before us had--those who crossed frontiers to settle the west, who passed through the gates of immigration alongside Lady Liberty for greater opportunity, my own parents who survived the Depression and World War II. So many of us have been cradled in the arms of prosperity that we have become weak in the face of adversity. It's never too late to turn this around. We are, despite everything else, a nation of strength in every way.

Here's another Latin phrase. I offer you Seneca.

Ad astra per aspera--to the stars through difficulties

 

Be well and stay strong, friends.