The Lugubrious Landscape of Loss

On this July 4th day of good cheer, I am sad. My dear friend of thirty years had to put her dog down this week. Although I am a long-time cat owner, I loved that dog and this unexpected sad news hit me hard. I considered this sweetheart part of my inner circle; we were tight, and yet there aren't enough words to describe the sadness his owner felt, and still feels--these bonds are not broken lightly. Don't get me wrong. I realize that the loss of a beloved pet is not to be, cannot be, measured against the loss of a loved one, but this 2020 Covid quarantine has removed from us a vital sense of perspective.

Since mid-March everyone I know has experienced a level of depression, and it comes and goes in much the same way our expectations of life wax and wane--celebrations of a birthday or an anniversary or a graduation or a holiday too often taken for granted. Thoughts of The Fourth of July, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas with my own family and friends are now shrouded in uncertainty. Will the months ahead allow large family gatherings, or will we still be clinging to the memories of 2019, praying for an end to this nightmare? Be prepared, dear friends. There's a good chance we will not be gathered with the usual crowd around the carving of the turkey this year.

Putting holidays aside for a moment, what about the simple everyday disappointments we're feeling right now? Life hasn't exactly come to a halt, you know, and many of the same challenges we faced before Covid-19 are still hanging around:  the A/C is broken, Bill fell and needed surgery on his leg, the dishwasher finally stopped working, Andy wasn't injured but his car is totaled, and his sister's boyfriend broke up with her. And, oh yeah, my rotator cuff hurts like hell.

Right. Maybe none of those things happened to you, plus--thank God, no one in your family has Covid, but you still can't seem to shake off those quarantine blues.

The Lambent Literacy word of the week must no doubt address our general state of mind in the midst of a pandemic which is still in the first wave and getting worse by the day. So here it is--lugubrious.  It means sad, dismal, mournful, depressed. Its Latin origin is straightforward: lugere, lugubris--to mourn, and the word came into English use in the 17th century. So here we are four centuries later feeling the full effects of the word. How aptly it describes that barren, treeless landscape of loss. And yet maybe a more accurate description might be the altered brain state to which we have succumbed.

In his book Mind to Matter, Dawson Churgh explains the range of healing our brains are capable of, from miraculous physical cures to the ripple effects of the emotional contagion of being around happy people. He believes we can change our thoughts and subsequently our behavior by altering our state of mind. Easier said than done, right? Maybe not, if we start with the most obvious solution. If happiness is increased by being around happy people, what could be easier? Go find yourself a Pollyanna? Okay, but then we must ask, will our desired positive state of mind be totally dependent on constantly seeking out and attaching ourselves to happy people?

Since most of us want to be in charge of our own happiness, I've come up with five depression busters that might be of help:

1. Substitute a negative thought pattern for a positive one.  For example, it's raining and you had plans to go for a walk in the park. Since you've made a list of alternative activities to do during quarantine, you simply go to the next item on your list. Abundance mentality at work.

2. Spend time in green spaces. Decades of research prove it's beneficial to your physical and mental health. Better yet, grow something. Nothing brings more hope than watching a plant grow.

3. Eat healthy food and exercise regularly, even for a few minutes each day. When you exercise, your body releases endorphins that reduce your perception of pain and trigger positive feelings.

4. Spend time thinking about the actual source of your unhappiness. The pain doesn't go away until you address the real cause of it. Either let it go, forgive the one you need to forgive, or fix it.

5. Our reactions to sadness are often the result of how we have been trained to react. We have a choice. And yes, you can choose to be around happy people with a positive outlook.

The lugubrious landscape of loss is often self-induced. Take back the control of the happiness you deserve. Live long and prosper....and thrive in your new state of contentment.